5 things my mother has taught me

In honor of Mother's Day I wanted to write up a quick list to honor my own mother. My mom is pretty much the best thing ever. She is smart, well-rounded, goofy, and vivacious. She taught me everything I know. I inherited her love for cooking (sarcasm) and her demanding personality (not sarcasm). She's my best friend and the coolest cat out there.

I hope that when I have the privilege to be a mother, that I can replicate my mom. Her hard work, courageous personality, open mind, sense of adventure, and love for life are some of her most amazing qualities, and qualities that I look forward to bringing to my own family.

1. Laugh all of the time - especially when it's inappropriate. If you know my mom then you know her infamous laugh. It is loud and beautiful and can be heard from a mile a way. And though most people might be embarrassed by it, she owns it, and that is great. That taught me to not hide your laugh, and laugh when you think something is funny or make the best of each situation. Life is supposed to be funny so don't take anything too seriously - especially yourself, especially your laugh.

2. Be a hard worker. You can wish and you can want, but eventually your good privilege will run out and you will have to work for your desires. But it isn't even working for material things, but the lessons learned while working. Hard work, putting your best and full effort forward, that can really teach you and leave with you with the wonderful feeling of self satisfaction.

3. Be yourself. As all children and awkward tweens, I struggled with liking myself and having confidence. And when I hated things about me, my mom loved them. She made it very clear that she loved me and that my flaws were not flaws - flaws don't exist. There is nothing wrong with being yourself and looking the way you do. Be crazy is engrained in our DNA, and there is no one better to lead the crazy train than my mom, and I have seen my mom love her quirkiness and embrace it to its fullest.

4. Dream big and don't give up. My mom, at 50, is going back to school, working, and still is there for my siblings and I, always. She doesn't let anyone or anything hold her back and when she sets her mind to a task, there is no force to stop her from achieving that goal. She turns imagination into reality and uses her creativity like no one else.

5. Love everyone. My mom loves every person - no matter how "not normal" they are. In fact, my mom goes out of her way to make the people without friends to know that she is there for them and cares for them. She accepts every person, admires every person, and sees them in ways I wish I could. Her love is enormous.

There are about ten million other things I could write - my mom is the definition of fabulous. She is a leopard loving, chocolate consuming, writer/builder/singer/traveler/imaginateer/really really cool person. Being a mom is very hard and somehow she still loves all five of us. She's da best.

 

Self Evaluation

So this past week has been such a marvelous week for me! I spent time with good friends, finished school assignments early, spent time with much of my family, and I got to eat good food! The best part of my week though was General Conference, obviously. Here are some of my favorite highlights:

Faith is the answer to fear 
This principle is one that was a direct answer to my prayers. With faith, all is well. Patience is something I lack. I am an analyzer that likes to have every moment of my life mapped out and without the essential aptitude for patience, my planner soul gets frustrated and anxious. Patience is a necessary part of faith. I often overwhelm myself with fear and with angst. One of my favorite quotes says "Stop worrying about what can go wrong, and get excited about what can go right." There is so much stress that can be saved when we focus on the positive outcomes, when we remain hopeful and optimistic. I've had to learn that if I trust God and I am faithfully doing what He asks of me, my life will turn out just fine - probably better than I imagine because I always tend to imagine the worst. Faith is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. (Yes I totally just half-way quoted both Mia Thermopolis, Princess of Genovia and Nelson Mandela.)

Put God first
I feel like this theme was talked about over and over and over. Or maybe I just picked up on it over and over and over because it is what I need to learn in my life right now. When we put God first (just like faith), life is a bajillion times better. It's not always easier and life can still suck, but at least there is someone who will love us and stand by us and guide us when it does suck. I completely testify that when we put God first, when we put prayers, scripture study, temple attendance (or working towards it), service, and His Will before anything else, our life will be smoother, our soul will become lighter, our countenance will become brighter, and life will seem much more hopeful and manageable. God knows the desires of our hearts, so it's completely okay to mess up. He knows when we are putting Him first. He knows our mistakes and challenges versus our deliberate and spiteful sin. His love is everlasting, infinite, and always accessible. We need to allow ourselves to feel it and make Him a priority in our life. Isn't the best way to show someone you love them is by showing them that you care?

The Gospel is individualized
This is something I feel very strongly about. Parents raise their children in generally the same way - taking them on the same vacations, reading them the same books, feeding them the same meals, and enforcing similar rules. Yet for each child the parent has to individualize advice, discipline, rewards, activities, and guidance. This is because each child, though similar in aspects, is very different and unique. The same goes for each of us and Heavenly Father. He provides us with the same covenants, blessings, and love, raising us to follow His commandments and teachings. But each human that has, does, and ever will live on the earth is completely unique spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and culturally. He knows that and He knows us. That is why it is important to take the necessary steps and follow the necessary fundamentals, but it will be at a specific time and place for each of us, because we are all different.
We each can and do have an individual relationship with our Father in Heaven and He is going to guide us in ways that are not only wonderful and eternally ideal for our lives, but particularly personal and spectacularly specific. That is why we should not and truly cannot judge each other. If we are turning to God and allowing Him to work with us, we cannot go wrong - whether the neighbors or grandma agree with our choices. Timing is everything. Trust is everything. Confidence and peace come with God, there is no doubt about that. The Gospel is so unique, that is why the scriptures are so big - they're full of secrets. (Secrets in the sense of personal evaluation). There is something for everyone and lessons that can be applied to one person that mean nothing to another. Stop judging. Worry about your life and your relationship with God. Help others but never critique or moderate someone's personal relationship with our Father in Heaven.

Service
Service! Truly and absolutely my favorite thing. I might not rake leaves or cook dinner for the neighbors every other night, but I truly try my best every day to serve others. It is very hard, especially because I am a very selfish creature, but I believe service is such an amazing thing that brings you closer to each other, God, and yourself. With service comes the Atonement. I could write books upon books about that miraculous Act, but I'll keep it short: the Atonement is the most beautiful, selfless, and completely magnanimously encompassing occurrence that ever has and ever will take place. The price has already been paid for each and every single human and soul. All we have to do is use it. Just use it. It is simple. It is beautiful. It is just lying on the kitchen counter waiting for us to pick it up. Pray that you can use it, find yourself using it. It is so much more simple (incomprehensible, but simple) than humankind makes it out to be. We are serving God, ourselves, and others when we use the Atonement.
Another thought with service: I really loved both Elder Teh and Elder Rasband's talks. I think they each touched on important things concerning service. One, that service is not an idle act, it is the most beneficial way to spend our time and will allow our hearts to lay with treasures and things of divine and eternal importance. Two, being a disciple of God includes serving others. People need prayers, encouragement, support, comfort, and kindness. Service allows us to see ourselves and others in a Divine, God like way.

Gratitude
Oh my. I loved President Uchtdorf's talk. Pretty much just read his talk and it'll sum up everything I want to say about gratitude. I loved these two three thoughts: 1. gratitude is not a thought - it is a way or a disposition of life 2. do not have gratitude of the lips, but gratitude of the soul 3. we can choose to limit our gratitude to the blessings we feel we lack or we can choose to be grateful no matter what, with the type of gratitude that surpasses all grief and pain. Please just read his talk. It was beautiful.

There are about a million other things I could say. There was not one talk that I did not love. They all had such important and brilliant messages. Some other things I got out of Conference: be consistent, revelation requires work, the Gospel is not a checklist of things to do but something that lives in our hearts, preparation, do not carry unnecessary burdens, be an example of happiness and bliss, build my foundation on the rock of our Redeemer, love e v e ry o n e, find peace through the Savior, be steadfast, and have courtesy, courage, and compassion.

I love General Conference and the refreshment it gives me. I am so excited to read the talks and apply them to my life. Self evaluation is one the healthiest things that you can do and doing it with God is even better (:

*I also really love Elder Holland and President Monson's talks. I actually loved all of the talks. Please read all of them.



Oh and here's pictures of me and my Cat.

in the words of a blonde

Oh em gee. Anna is starting another blog?!?!? Why yes, I am. This blog (imwithawkward) is more of my humor blog, my unserious blog, the place to act insanely weird and awkward. I'll still post on here (I have some cool new ideas in progress), but I will also post on my new blog. My new blog is:

In the Words of a Blonde!!!!!

This blog is my more serious, creative, and "grown up" side. I'll post things more that have to do with my every day life (even the un-awkward things), my beliefs, opinions, and creative thoughts. So please follow this new blog!!! I'd SO appreciate it if you'd spread it around, make it known. When I know I have people reading, it makes it MUCH more enjoyable to write. I suppose I could write just for myself-I do enjoy my own thoughts.

new design

As you, my thousands of followers and avid readers may have noticed (or not) that I changed the look of this blog. "Why would she do that?" you may ask. "She spent hours figuring out the other layout and it looked so groovy and sexy," you may say. Dear readers, I changed the layout for a good few reasons. 1. I got bored of the other one. 2. While it was pretty dang endearing, it reminded me of my sophomore year of high school and we all know that that right there is a bad omen. 3. Chevron is out. 4. I felt I wanted a classier, simpler vibe.

I was actually inspired by another girl's blog. I would tell you her name but she doesn't know me and I actually spent 15 minutes stalking her on instagram and eventually came to her blog and though I'm cute, I'm not that cute and she'd probably get pretty creeped out.

But this girl (let's call her Amber) Amber is my kindred spirit. And not in the "oh you're so cool I want to be your best friend" sort of way. But in the "why do you have to be older than me because now if I am similar to you then people will think I'm stealing your vibe which I'm not-I was born to be a similar person than you." Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I don't want to copy her. In fact I'm pretty jealous of her because she has a great singing voice and those cool hipster glasses that my face is too narrow to pull off. She even talks the way I do. (I write different than I talk. My writing is totes more sophisticated and presh where my speaking voice is for sure more girlie and obvi adorbs. Ya'll should be so jelly, it's cray).

Amber, though, is the person I desire to be. And I almost hate her for it. Which is awful and I'm shaming myself inside but I can't help being a bit resentful. This cool girl has all the same interests as me, but can rock side braids like no one's business.

Which brings me to my point that even though she's cool and I'm scrolling through her photos saying to myself "yeah I want to be her", I am happy with being myself. I think I'm cool too and I have great eyebrows. I've actually been on this soul-searching mission the past few months. The mission isn't really about finding my soul-I've known for awhile who I am and what I want out of life. This mission was more for me to finally be comfortable being 100% me. I needed to love myself and be alright being on my own and begin to start the wondrous journey into the big-kid world.

Yet, there are still a few things I desire to gain in my own life. So Amber has inspired me to make a short list of goals that I want to accomplish. Here they are:

-Learn to wear a beanie and rock it
-Take more pictures
-Don't be afraid to talk to cute boys
-Become familiar with classic black & white films
-Bake cookies

So there you are folks! I will be achieving these ambitions and if anyone has any advice on how to be efficiently triumphant, then please, I'm open to suggestions.

So, yeah, I did change the design of my blog.

love

What is love? What does love mean to me? Love is definitely the most confusing, simple, retold story of human existence. Every person on this earth seeks love. Every person on this earth needs love. There are hundreds of different types of love! My favorite is the kind that makes you happy. I was thinking last night about what it means to love. I think love is pure. With true love, for whomever it is for, it is unadulterated, uncomplicated, and simply just peaceful. I once told a friend, "I don't understand it when people say love is complicated. Love is easy. Relationships are what is complicated. Loving someone is the easiest thing in the world." And I stand true to that!

We like to make things complicated. And why being in love can become complicated because two people with two hearts and two minds are involved, really loving someone is easy and natural. My favorite word to describe love is shine. Shine is my favorite word in general, but I think shine is perfect when it describes love. When you see "the one" or anyone you care deeply about, they shine. Your heart shines. Your soul shines. Nothing else matters. You can literally feel the love and you can see it in the shine in your eyes and in the shine that surrounds the other person. It doesn't have to be just a romantic interest. My family shines. My best friend shines. Everyone I love shines.

When you love someone, your heart smiles. And that is enough. That is what love is. Love consists of thousands of other things, but when you go down to the core of it, love is simple. It is a pure and smiling shine.